I have strong a fear of failure and rejection and I’ve experienced a lot of added fear from the church that I’m working to unlearn. But, the most obvious parts I’ve experienced in this is in the church minister prototype and the bible study leader prototype.
I’ve been doing bible study since I was a child. I’ve done personal studies and devotions and have been in group led studies both in churches and parachurch organizations. And as a 40 year old I’ve learned that there is a prototype for what these different groups have for the ideal candidate. And quite frankly, I’m not one of them. The other side of the conflict is that I have a fear of failure that I’m working through.
Church Minister Prototype
The prototype for church minister is a dynamic and direct leader. When possible, an achiever is best. The one who has a slight ego, not too big to be an obvious problem, but just enough to get things done.
Is this always the case? No. But in the culture I grew up it was, where the ultimate sign of success was as many people visiting the church as possible. And secondly, as the data showed, if a sanctuary is 75% full, you need to build a bigger building because people won’t come if there isn’t a perception of room.
This sounds like a culture, not led by the Spirit, but led by performance and popularity.
Bible Study Teacher Prototype
Secondly, I have considered where the most prioritized focus of a church is most often, and it most definitely is in bible study. For those that have a lack of emotional maturity, like me, you begin to notice that bible study can lead to self righteousness. Leading to a feeling that one is better than another. And to be asked to teach means you’ve reached the “eschelon” of superiority that those in the church crave.
What I’ve also noticed with bible study group leaders is that the prototype here is those that provide closure and clarity in most situations. They don’t give much room for creative thinking and they always bring resolution to the question. Therefore, the prototype is someone who encourages people to share but also helps by providing black and white answers, delivers direct responses.
What About the Open Ended Question At Church?
The open ended question isn’t given much freedom within the walls of the church. Should it have much freedom? What would it look like if it did? And my answer is, I don’t know.
This all might come down to how I would have liked the opportunity to teach bible study recently. Or how at one point I thought all holy people became a minister of some sort. But I was never asked to teach bible study. And as far as becoming a minister, I was interested in being seen and heard.
I went through the bible study teaching “pipeline” and I told the leader I just wanted to be able to practice, to learn. But I was secretly hoping to be asked. Regardless, I really benefitted from the pipeline. And I’m sure I was the most annoying in the group, my perfectionist nature, overthinking everything.
But here’s the thing, I am thorough and I like to understand everything. But when I try to understand it all I also tend to fear what I’m going to share. Over time I noticed how the part where I didn’t overthink was my best teaching portion. I literally spent all of my time on the part that was the most choppy and clunky. But the second half was fluid and free.
So there is a part of research where I can take it all in, but once I understand it, it’s best for me to let it all out from the front to the end. That’s the portion that I want to grow in. Because, I know, quite frankly that I can do it and it would be really good. But I need to work on consolidation and delivery. For now I was working on consolidation.
Seeking the Approval of Man
Anyway, I think my biggest truth about this whole deal is the fear associated with wanting to be something significant. To find approval of man, regardless of how well meaning wanting to teach bible study is. And I wonder how many in the church are actually fearing the same thing? My guess is it’s more than less. The fear of rejection, fear of failure. Fear of man. Approval of man.
The air is thick of men thinking they are not good enough and not enough willing to say no because it doesn’t fit who they are and who they are meant to be. There is so much guilt tactic going on for those that aren’t doing what the minister asks them to do. To get sucked into a performance and popularity culture.
I realize that the overthinker can get too deep into and begin believing the wrong thing. But if this article resonated with you at all, there should be time to consider the ways that you are fearing rejection or fearing failure rather than learning to trust and depend on the presence and power of Jesus.
What if we knew who we were and God used our gifts in the way that I did in the bible study teaching path when I was not fearful? If we chose to not fear and yet still be thorough, how would that change us?
It’s not easy but it starts learning to emotionally regulate, develop healthy boundaries, and be more direct.