I did a visualization exercise around some lingering pain and hurt I had been feeling recently. In the visualization of my pain, there was a guy laughing and pointing at me while he had his arm around someone else as if to say “They are in and you are out.” Then Jesus stepped into the picture and looked me in the eyes, empathizing with my grief with an expression of compassion, and said, “I love you and I’m with you. Look to me.”
Then I proceeded to ask God questions I wanted answers from the situation and I started to look back at the situation where the pain came from. Then Jesus gently took my chin and redirected it back to Him and He softly said, “Look at me”.
Emotional maturity needs:
- awareness of where we fear man more than God
- emotional fluency
- a healthy ecosystem to process emotions in safety and present them to God (on repeat)
We seek safety in many places. How we process and heal from pain, hurt, anger, and sadness and many other emotions is an important part of our growth in discipleship to God.
What do we do with our hurt? Where do we find safety? The answer, of course, is turn to Jesus. But to leave this here is not enough, because we learn patterns that aren’t healthy. These run underneath the surface, sometimes unobserved for decades. We need to break the negative thoughts, emotions and patterns to walk in freedom, habitually.
We need to learn emotional fluency and to process emotions in safe places. This is tricky. Wounds are deep and guilt that leads to shame and blame can raise its ugly head when you least expect. It is difficult to find resolution to feelings that you are struggling with that can lead to cycles of negative thoughts and emotions. We are good at either burying hurts or learning to use them to our advantage. Sometimes we need outside help to break the cycle of bad thoughts and feelings and to learn how to build new ecosystems to process emotions in spaces that don’t try to give answers or condemn but simply seek to understand and encourage.
What you do with your thoughts and emotions is critical to your growth in discipleship with God and in knowing who you are, walking in confidence and clarity with God.
Jesus works in the quiet places of our heart, beacons us away from hurry and into presence with Him.
Safety in processing our emotions alludes to an opportunity to place our dependence on God for protection, provision and prosperity. In my emotions, I so quickly run to process my feelings with others who are not safe. They are not safe because they aren’t able to attune to my emotional needs, and they are not safe because the response I receive triggers anger, hurt, shame, or fear.
The challenge is that these feelings are not their fault but they still trigger the response, nonetheless. If I ultimately fear man instead of God, then I seek the approval and validation of other people, not God. But, as a believer, I am not a victim of my circumstances. God says we are more than conquerors through Christ Jesus our Lord. So, why do I feel like a victim? The trick is not seeking resolution from other people in justification of my hurt feelings. This leads to cycles of shame, hurt and anger or to jealousy or bitterness. What do I need from other people that I don’t already have in Jesus? Nothing.
It is a grief that is pure and holy that looks at the emotion and circumstance that brought hurt, anger (passion), and fear and slowly learns to name it, in order to release the grief to and with Jesus. Over and over again. Whatever you need healing from, as you process, look directly at the pain and the grief and if needed find people who can attune to you, listen, and help you process without the need to provide answers that don’t condemn. This will be ones that you don’t seek their approval or justification in the source of our pain.
Identify your feelings, work through grief, turn to Jesus. Identify your feelings, work through the grief, turn to Jesus. Break the cycle of negative emotions and thoughts, and walk in freedom, friend.
Jesus gently says, “I love you and I’m with you. Look to me.”