I think it’s an interesting question, “how do I know if I’m hearing form the Lord?” It’s particularly interesting if you get diagnosed as bipolar because your thoughts that you thought were from the Lord, get you in trouble and result in a manic state that results in a bipolar diagnosis. Now I feel like I can’t even trust my own thoughts. Here’s a few examples.
Sometimes I get caught people gazing. The other day I observed a man who at first I thought I knew him, then after watching his mannerisms for a bit, realized I didn’t. Then I noticed some things that made me wonder if he new Jesus and I thought, “I should talk to him.” But then I thought, I can’t trust my thoughts, remember? I told God if he wanted me to talk to him he would have to make it obvious. And I walked off.
At church, my pastor had a compelling, possibly guilt driven, sermon and I felt that I should thank him. It convicted me. And then I thought I should offer to help in a very specific way. Was this thought from God? I told God he would have to make it evident to me if I should talk to him.
Before my manic episode I would feel more compelled, like at times I might be disobeying God, to not act on these types of thoughts. But now, I feel obligated to simply tell God about them and quite frankly let him bring it about rather than me try to force it. In my post bipolar diagnosis world, my immediate response to these thoughts is, “No, I’m not going to. I can’t trust my own thoughts anymore. They have betrayed me!” But the question for me still lingers, how do I know if I’m hearing from the Lord?
And, to be sure, this is hard to answer on the surface level. It is situational. There are a few things that I’ve been working through.
My desire for approval of man often drives my desire for connection.
I have thoughts that come to me because I at times want to do something when it might be a good thing but it could be slightly off in my heart’s motivation. The thing is this is so subtle that I often don’t realize it until the situation is completely gone and over. In the moment that would have not crossed my mind. I want my default response to be one of grace.
I may not be doing it right but I’m trying to relearn things. In this case it’s not just for my sanity, it’s for my mental health. If I had tried to adjust my spiritual thinking prior to a mental diagnosis, I would not have totally changed my approach here.
Lately, I have been sitting and listening and hearing people’s language when discussing their reaction to the Bible, because I work out of a church where people often meet to discuss these things. I’m able to perceive if they are following God out of guilt and a spirit of judgment against them or out of grace and love. The difference is one is very afraid, sorrowful, and downcast. I’m not good enough. The other is one in which they are confident they can share what they believe even if it’s a little different than the “mentor”. Their countenance is different.
I don’t want to be a person predominantly doing things out of a feeling of “I’m not good enough”. In order to get to a place where I can believe who I am and who I am meant to be, I am working on my emotional response. And I’m going to ask God if there are opportunities or needs that he would present them to me in obvious fashion rather than me feeling like I need to force something.
I’m really working through what it means to “take every thought captive”.
And my result so far is to do what I explained in the examples above. When a thought throws me off or makes me think “I should do that” but I have any sort of feeling that seems odd with that thought, I’m stopping and asking God for him to essentially “prove it to me”.
I think a big key to knowing what’s in your heart, and your motivation behind doing something is what we are feeling at the time we are having the thought. What is being asked of us from our thought, what is our emotional response, and then what are we acting on. If anything catches your attention in this response, it’s worth wrestling with God a bit. And learning to wait. If God wants it to happen, he can make it happen.
I’ve heard the example used, “There was this guy that I didn’t share the gospel with and he died without Jesus” as a mechanism to bring people to more action. To realize that if someone dies without sharing the truth and we had the opportunity, we might have failed.
But I think this can be misconstrued. We can look at Jesus and know that Jesus didn’t just say “I am the way truth and the life, no man comes to the Father but by me” to everyone. He often addressed the underlying motivation. Albeit, Jesus was different. If we look at the 12 disciples we see a more outward motivation. Paul was clearly compelled by the gospel. There wasn’t any dialogue of his emotions.
So, why now? And I’m not actually sure. But I do know that when the Bible mentions your heart it means your inner self in many cases. And to have a heart aligned means that it is rooted out of self. And I want to completely obliterate it. And your emotions point to what is in your heart.
For you it might not be as pivotal to know what’s in your heart. And that’s ok. I might suggest it’s more important than you think. But then again, I’m the one that’s bipolar 1 and you aren’t. But, hopefully, one day I’ll be free enough to tell you how it made a difference in my practical life.
It’s too easy for biblical culture to use scripture or position to pass judgment.
I find that it’s really easy for a biblical culture to use the Scripture or their position to pass judgment on a situation that is not black and white. To not hear the heart of the matter. Remember, that the heart is connected to emotions. And you can pass through life as a believer with little ability to be emotionally aware much less attune to others emotions. But you can be a smart crack, whip at the Bible.
At the end of the day, God is looking for childlike faith. We need to put everything we have toward trust and dependence on him. Anything that feels off needs to be brought to the Lord. There might be a better way.
In conclusion, release your strongholds. Find freedom. This is the way to hear from the Lord. And if you think you’re hearing from the Lord, but you feel conflicted, ask God to bring about what He wants to bring about and for you to get out of the way. Then follow what seems natural.
Additionally, develop a language for the Holy Spirit if you don’t have it. When you listen to the Holy Spirit’s promptings because you are hearing directly from God and you know it, learn to act in obedience. For me, for now, I’m relearning where to process my negative emotions for my physical and mental health. And I’m hopeful that what returns is more confidence and clarity in who I am and who I’m mean’t to be.
And, who I’m meant to be is one akin to childlike faith. That I might believe I am where I need to be, to not worry or feel these negative emotions, to simply be dependent and trusting.