When I first got laid off after gaining my dream job in 2007 and losing it 6 months later, I found myself lost. My work future and career all of a sudden became very confusing. I now had to try and find my way into meaningful work after I had spent the majority of my life essentially following the path that was laid out to me. In education, learning, and ultimately, my selection of a career. But that felt like it was all gone, almost instantly. I did not know what to do next. So, with little money to spend as a recent college graduate, I gave myself one splurge, books. I would go to the Barnes and Noble close to my apartment in Dallas and just walk around the business section, open books and flip through until something spoke to me. When it did, I bought it.
These books ranged across the myriad of questions I was trying to navigate about work now that I was unsure of my plan for the future. Many of these questions I had about myself were ideological and identity-based ranging from “am I good enough?” to “what is wrong with me?” and “who am I?” and “what kind of work is best suited for me?” to spiritual “where is God in my work?” and “how am I supposed to be content?” and “what is peace?” There was of course the immediate need of getting a job but what I hoped for in these books was to find a way to not just find a job, but craft a career I could love. But, in the moment, I felt stuck in my work and hoping to get unstuck.
What I found with each and every non-fiction business book that I selected was, in essence, a form of therapy and coaching. Some books were really practical and others more about mindset. It was difficult trying to wrestle with the self-help cultural ideology around work which was to “live your passion” while also trying to learn to be content with whatever work situation I was in at the time. The jobs I had for many years after me losing my dream job left me dejected and depressed. On the flip side, I kept dreaming of being more creative and something more challenging and meaningful, aligned with my skills and interests. I wanted ideas around how to find meaningful work, and I hoped I would get them in these books.
Much of the business world methodology around work is helpful, but it is big on taking action. But when I explored the spiritual realm in relation to work it was often so overly religious that I couldn’t find anything practical enough to relate it to finding meaningful work. I struggled connecting the “do it” mentality of the business world to the “wait on God” spiritual advice and “be content” messages which felt impractical. The most I had ever gotten around God’s will was 45 minute sermons about God. But, no help connecting that to what I do and why, which is what I wanted help with. How am I supposed to know what doing God’s will is when everyone around me clearly thinks I need to be working as an employee in a steady job in order to do what I’m supposed to be doing? It took me years to begin to extrapolate how to view the important questions around work and how to view other people’s opinions in light of my work reality. Let’s just say it wasn’t easy, but the books helped me slowly and surely wade through the good and bad ideas.
Through each book I was able to explore the worlds of other people and how they navigated work and careers. When I was frustrated at work I would just go to the book store and pick out whatever spoke to me. What did others do? How did they find what they were supposed to do? How did they get unstuck at work?
Keep in mind, while I was reading books that I picked up, the under current was my constant, daily Bible reading. I would also stay consistent at church knowing that I needed a greater vision for who God is in the person of Jesus. But, what I failed to understand early on was that contentment and peace were readily available to me when I made my focus knowing who God is rather than what I wanted which was essentially a roadmap for my own security in work. Rather than finding security in the way I had hoped, in one job with upward potential. Instead, I found security in trusting God and not expecting a job to fulfill my hopes. I learned to bring my best to whatever job I was doing that day, regardless of whether or not I would be there tomorrow.
Over time the question I had when I came to the Bible of “How do I do better?” stopped being relevant and was replaced with “Who is God?”. That became the end desire of my relationship with God and the start of a better perspective of my work. My focus became to know Him and to find ways to worship Him in the midst of my journey into books on work, where I looked for more ideas.
At one point in my reading journey, I started to realize that in many of these books were different philosophies of work. In the process I was deforming my view of work into something new. I needed to know “what is work?” or essentially “what does God say about work?” and “how is God working in the world?”. I went deeper and deeper into these questions to try and figure out “What does doing good work look like?” I found Tim Keller’s book on work called “Every Good Endeavor” which used language around work that looked more like spiritual formation. This whole idea of our work as spiritual formation was so powerful (and new to me).
As I grew in my faith in God and I was continually humbled at work, my desire for knowing God grew while the book reading around work and careers continued. I loved marketing and business strategy. One of the things that I kept running into was how mad I was at bad digital marketing strategy and at the same time, inefficient systems or processes. Over time, I realized that what I saw as negative could be used as a positive. I really loved digital marketing strategy, which requires a lot of creative thought and execution, and building efficient systems and processes. And this realization is where my new work future began to thrive.
I began to know my true identity in greater measure and started to find self-affirmation. But this was only after I truly identified with my “fallen self” in what I would consider some of my lowest moments. As I began to be honest with myself and others I truly began to understand just how sinful, selfish, and idolatrous my heart was/is. And, through a growing understanding of God the Father’s love for me and that he was telling me “I have what it takes”, my “true self” began to take over. This is where my identity is wrapped in the identity of God himself. I only really understood my true self, to where I could have confidence in what I was doing at work when I began to really understand who and how I have been created and redeemed by God to be. I could not get here without really understanding the intrinsic way God has wired me, and the convictions I have to go out into the world to do good work.